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I've had many (15?) years around the polyamory
community in Marin, San Francisco, and Sonoma. Deborah Anapol and Victor Gold,
pioneers in the current polyamory wave, are long-time good friends,
and for years they assisted at our Marin Tantra workshops, so I
know that there is an overlap between some of the polyamory, Kama
Sutra, and Tantra communities. Briefly, I'd like to point out a few
observations.
A big one is that I've
noticed that polyamory is for people who love to process and who
have lots of time to do it. Polyamory takes time and energy. You've
got to like to hang out and talk. Usually it's talk and cuddle.
This works great for kinesthetic types, but not for primary visuals
who want action and creativity. Some visual types can shift into
kinesthetic for periods of time.
I've been on the edge
of several pods for many years, and am somewhat polyamorous non-sexually
with a fairly large Northern California community interested in Tantra,
intimacy, and spiritual love. Yet my true preference is for deep
monogamy. I tend to be more polyamorous when I have no primary
relationship.
The reason that there's
more processing is that there are more relationships to work out.
It's more Aquarian, i.e., attempting equal love for all, which is
a great ideal but does lead to lots of processing as the players
seek to be more truthful. A lot can be learned this way, including
the significant truth that love is everywhere.
It's also been my experience
that open relationships don't stay together unless the primary
bond is a very strong, certain one, built over much time before
adding others' energies. So couples have to be very clear and
trusting before entering into polyamorous pods, or they usually
don't last.
Ironically, polyamory
is often a very convenient way for some people to avoid deeper
intimacy, because when things get challenging or stuck with one
person, it's easy to just go connect with another member of the
pod instead of working through the deeper, uncomfortable issues.
This abuse of the poly ideals is very common, especially in the more
sexual polyamorous pods.
When it works, polyamory
is a very beautiful thing, offering much love and inclusiveness.
There are a few well established pods with integrity in Northern California.
Typically it doesn't fulfill expectations and polyamorous pods
don't last very long. This is true even in the greater Bay Area,
where they've been at this much longer than in Southern California and
where the community is more mature in some ways.
So, I'm not trying to
discourage anyone from creating a polyamorous pod -- however, these
thoughts may support you in being a bit more realistic about it
and less in a fantasy. Ultimately, I think communal village life
offers the highest possibilities, but that's not the same as modern,
unban/suburban polyamory. Our challenge is to create the most
harmony, inner peace, inclusiveness, and abundant love in an outer
focused, consumer driven culture. It's quite a challenge, and
I support all of you in your efforts to create more happiness
for yourselves and others.
Blessings in all you do,
Robert
www.sacredtantra.com
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